


Deliver It To My Heart (What Looks So Strong So Delicate)

by lary



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - College/University, BDSM, Bisexuality, Brother Feels, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Family Issues, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gender Issues, Homophobia, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Humor, Intersexuality, M/M, Male Slash, Moving In Together, Odin's A+ Parenting, Queer Themes, Romance, Science Bros, Sex, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Trust, Vulnerability, boundary respect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:06:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lary/pseuds/lary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony develops an interest in the new arts student. Interest. Curiosity. Obsession. Whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deliver It To My Heart (What Looks So Strong So Delicate)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm transgender (transman) and this is the first story I've been able to finish with that theme. Had many feels writing it. It's overall a story with much happiness and hopefully not many triggers, but please check the end notes if you wish for more detail about what's coming.

 

 

“Hey, who's the guy sitting with Black Widow?”

 

Clint looked over his shoulder across the cafeteria and then back at Tony with an incredulous expression. “Could you be any more behind, Stark?”

 

“What, what did I do now?”

 

“That's the new guy, from Norway or Iceland or something, everybody knows him. He's an arts major, in the same class with Pepper. Aren't you two talking again? What did you do?”

 

“Nothing!” Tony protested. “Pepper and I are fine, I haven't even tried to hit on her for over a week.”

 

“Wow. Must be a record.”

 

“You're hilarious.”

 

“And you're an asshole.”

 

“Like that's news. C'mon, what's the scoop on tall, dark and handsome?”

 

“He's not that tall. I mean, probably taller than you, but who isn't.”

 

“Fuck you Barton,” Tony said. “Seriously though, is he seeing anybody? He and the Widow sure seem close, better watch out.”

 

“Yeah I'm really worried,” Barton deadpanned. Tony didn't see how he wasn't just a little, dating somebody that hot. She and the new guy looked like a matching set too, all gracious and beautiful, with fine bone structure and lean physique supermodels would envy. Tony bet they were equally intimidating too, not that he'd ever admit to being intimidated by the Widow. Clint continued to talk while demolishing his lunch, “I wouldn't go hitting on him if I were you. Although I don't mind getting the show if you do.”

 

“You don't think I could tap that? I could so totally tap that.” The guy may have been gorgeous with his slender features and sparkling green eyes, but Tony Stark had never suffered from lack of confidence. He raked a hand through his hair, making it more of a mess, which he knew worked with his goatee and Led Zeppelin shirt. Green Eyes wouldn't know what hit him. “He's not straight, is he? Not a problem, I've gotten off with too many straight guys to really believe that flimsy excuse anymore.”

 

“You're a stud, I get it, don't know how my clothes haven't fallen off just sitting here talking to you.” Clint stole the rest of Tony's fries like he always did, but Tony didn't protest because gossip. Intel. Whatever. “It's not just that, we're pretty sure he's got no gender preference, but that's not gonna help you. He never goes out with anybody who asks him.”

 

Tony waved his hand dismissively. “Pfft, can't be that hard.”

 

“Darcy tried first, then Victor, Sharon, Rumlow,” Clint listed using his fingers. “Christine, Pepper--”

 

“Wait, Pepper, really?”

 

“Oh yeah. Also, rumour is Bucky tried to get him to bed with him and Rogers, unsuccessfully,” Clint snickered. “Apparently Steve was right there this time, I'd pay to see a picture of his face. Still, as far as anybody knows Sam and Peggy are the only ones Bucky's made that offer before.”

 

“...okay yeah, I'm starting to see your point.”

 

“That's a first.”

 

“I'll just need a good tactic.”

 

“Yes, Stark, that was obviously my point,” Clint said, snatching Tony's coke and taking off with it.

 

**

 

Despite his generally amazing success rate, Tony was no stranger to rejection. It was just statistics – if you hit on as many people as he did, you were bound to get some rejections, even if most were rescinded later on.

 

He could take it like a man, of course, but there was something about the new guy – Loki, apparently, and what kind of name was that? – which made Tony really want to avoid that rejection.

 

That's why he decided on a different route, one he'd never tried before – he'd befriend Loki and wait until the guy was totally charmed before asking him out. Satisfied with the plan, he made his way to arts and humanities at fourth floor, which he might have recently scouted using Pepper as a cover. It didn't count as stalking, despite what Pepper had implied. She disapproved, as she usually did when it came to Tony, but she wouldn't be cruel enough to rat him out to Loki so it didn't matter.

 

“Hey,” Tony knocked softly on the doorframe. “Mind if I come and work here?”

 

Loki looked up from the papers strewn across the large wooden desk, tucking stray hair behind his ear. He was wearing his usual green button-up, arms bared by sleeves that were rolled up, with black jeans that looked painted on. “I don't know, do you make noise?”

 

“Absolutely none,” Tony said cheerfully.

 

“Well, then,” he gestured to the rest of the room with a small smile, not looking like he believed Tony in the slightest. Smart man. “Be my guest.”

 

Tony took over a desk on the opposite side of the room, opening his laptop and spreading his notes as he liked it. Loki was a distracting presence but Tony was proud that it took almost an hour before he cracked under the pressure of his libido. Curiosity. Whatever.

 

“Loki Lindberg, right? You're in arts with Pepper?”

 

“Yes. You're Tony Stark.”

 

“The one and only,” he confirmed.

 

“You're doing engineering?” Loki said, bent over whatever he was working on. Tony had equal urges to walk behind him in order to see his work and to ogle his ass. He reminded himself of his strategy and remained seated at his own desk, his eyes following the deft movements of Loki's hands. “Don't you have all those fancy labs for what are deemed proper sciences?”

 

“Yeah, but whenever I'm there I can practically feel Fury breathing down my neck. I swear to god, even when he's not in the room he can make a guy feel like a naughty kid who's doing something he's not supposed to.”

 

“Probably only if you're doing something you're not supposed to.”

 

“Well there's that.”

 

Loki smirked. “We have Phil Coulson, and he's got somewhat of a similar air.”

 

“Agent? Yeah, I know him. Pepper adores him, but I'm pretty sure she's just weird that way.”

 

Loki chuckled. “She is lovely though. Has only the worst things to say about you, of course,” he said with a sweet smile.

 

“Glad to hear you're bonding.”

 

“So, what is it that you're working on that you're not supposed to?”

 

“Come and have a look,” Tony said, pleased with the open curiosity in Loki's eyes. He switched between windows, explaining as Loki peered over his shoulder. “That's just the code, I'm making changes to it though. Right now I can type commands for pretty much anything, and the program will understand the same things spoken out loud, but I want it to be able to grasp more complex concepts, and most of all understand how I think well enough to be able to elaborate on its own and get what I want without me having to explain.”

 

“Like an artificial intelligence?”

 

“Yes, exactly! Jarvis is already on a similar level to any AI tech that's out there, but I'm going beyond that, I can do it no problem, it's just slow going because I want both more depth and a broader array of things included.”

 

“Jarvis?” Loki asked, and Tony felt his cheeks heat.

 

“Yeah, my family had a butler... anyway, it's not important.”

 

“I doubt that. In any case, it sounds interesting.”

 

“Thanks. Let me see what you're doing?” Tony asked, springing up from the chair.

 

Loki looked bemused at Tony's enthusiasm. “You want to see my drawing?”

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

“I suppose it's only fair. I'm only sketching right now though, so it's nowhere near my best work.”

 

“Well, that's basically what I'm doing with Jarvis, too, it's not like-- holy shit. This? This is what you call sketching?” Loki bit his lip, and Tony decided the guy had way too much modesty. The portrait might have been drawn with pencil, but the woman looking out of it was _real_ in a way that few actual people were. Tony stared. “This is amazing, Loki. Who is it?”

 

“My mother,” Loki said quietly. “I can't get her right, though, it's not how she... the emotion isn't there.”

 

Tony stared at the portrait and he might not have met the woman, but he had to disagree. Her smile was beautiful and elegant, but there was grief in her eyes that made Tony want to look away and at the same time made him unable to do so. “Oh no, the emotion is there,” he said. “It's definitely there.”

 

“I...” Loki brushed his fingers over the picture. “Yes. I suppose that is the problem.”

 

**

 

When he first decided to take a different route, Tony hadn't realised how it would affect him. He had wanted to befriend Loki, but he never expected that Loki would actually become _his friend_. Tony didn't have many. There was Pepper, she was his best friend who Tony knew would always be there no matter how annoying she found him half the time. There was Rhodey, who'd moved across the country to a different college but whenever they saw each other it was like no time had passed. And lately there was Clint, who seemed just as unimpressed by Tony as his other friends were but still always had lunch with him, even if it was just to make fun of Tony and steal his food. But that was it. He didn't make friends, people gravitated towards him because of who he was, of who his dad was, but they didn't want to _know_ him, and if ever they did see under the surface they lost interest.

 

Not Loki, though. He wasn't interested in Tony Stark, but he was interested in Tony. And the more Tony got to know him, the closer Loki let him, the more Tony was hooked. Loki was funny in a wicked, mischievous way. He was only three years older than Tony, but he had maturity that Tony envied. Sometimes he wondered why Loki hung out with him, but as weeks went by Tony begun to trust that Loki just plain liked him.

 

They spent pretty much all evenings in what Tony – in his head – called their workshop. Tony ordered takeout that Loki never paid for but seemed to have no qualms with partaking in. Both of them mostly did their own thing late into the night, fuelled by caffeine, until the janitor came to kick them out. Sometimes Loki wandered over to look over Tony's shoulder when he coded, Tony griped about Jarvis being a stubborn bastard, and Loki told him the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Also, despite Tony's best efforts Loki managed to sneak peeks of the robot schematics he occasionally played with. He was amused by Tony's embarrassment but seemed actually impressed by the plans.

 

Sometimes (okay, often) Tony looked over at Loki when he worked – sometimes drawing, other times painting, using his fingers as often as the many different brushes he had at hand. Most were assignments for his course – hours and hours spent perfecting them, images straight from Loki's mind onto paper and canvas, raw and twisted and beautiful. Occasionally there were also sketches of people, always done hastily with a pencil as if that didn't count. They were clearly family. Tony didn't pry and Loki didn't talk much about them, but when Loki let him see the pictures Tony felt he was shown more than words could express anyway.

 

Becoming friends was equally amazing and terrifying. The more he got to know Loki, the more Tony _wanted_ , but the more he also gathered evidence that letting on would be the worst idea in the history of bad ideas (which for Tony was saying something). Loki was always amused to hear anecdotes about Tony's dates and one night stands alike, but he never shared any of his own, and even Tony's confidence wasn't high enough to take the risk of trying when so many others had failed.

 

Of course he eventually blew it.

 

“Apparently I should just tell him but it's easy for Clint to say when he and the Black Widow are sickeningly in love and he never had to actually tell her, she just knew,” Tony said, his attention on the code in front of him, fingers flying over the keyboard. “And they weren't friends, he barely knew her. I never thought being friends would make it so much harder not to be attracted to Loki. I should've just asked him out to start with and gotten it over with, I swear to god I hate pining after somebody like this, it would've been fine, we could've still been friends maybe, or at least I wouldn't know what I'm missing. It's just, have you seen him, Jarvis? How could I not want him? If you're anything like me I know you understand.” Tony patted the screen absently, but there was a sound from the doorway which made him look up and his stomach drop. Loki was supposed to be in class. Tony's words had only been meant for Jarvis. Loki was supposed to be in class, but instead he was standing in the doorway, clutching his bag. Tony didn't know how much Loki had heard, but the way he smiled was... off.

 

“Please, by all means, don't allow me to interrupt. Nothing else to say?” he asked. Tony thought it best to keep quiet, shaking his head as Loki stalked across the room towards where he was sitting. “No? Pity, it was certainly enlightening. Tell me, what do you think about? Do you fantasise about me?” Loki ran his fingers over Tony's chest and throat in a mockery of gentleness. “You'd like to fuck me, perhaps? Would you like me spread open on your bed, naked and wanton and begging for you to take me? Or perhaps you want like my cock up your ass, pounding into you?” Tony couldn't help it, he was getting aroused from Loki's words, from the proximity, even though it all felt so _wrong._ Loki's smile was knowing, but his eyes were cold as he hissed, “Because I promise you, you'll _never_ get it.”

 

He turned away and was almost at the door before Tony's brain came back online. “No, actually, I don't think about any of that,” he said decisively. “I mean I do _now_ , because you sure as hell know how to use that voice of yours, you could ask me if I want tentacles slithering around me and I'd be all over that, but none of that is what I've been thinking about. ” Loki stopped and slowly turned, as if against his will. He looked in between fight or flight, and Tony didn't want to give him reason for either. But he wouldn't be quiet.

 

“What I'm obsessed with are your hands. That's what I think about constantly, your fucking insane clever hands and what you can do with them. Everything about you is insane and clever, that mind of yours especially, and that's what's got me hooked. I think about what it would be like to have you in control and that's not something just anybody can do to me, make me think about that, make me want to give up control and let you use me whichever way you want to. Hell, if all you want is me kissing your feet, I'd happily do that.”

 

“You're so fucking gorgeous, Loki, so fascinating, you have no idea what you're doing to my brain. I'd love to have you any way you want. I'm not an idiot, you clearly have a fuckton of issues I've got no clue about, but I'm not gonna push it. If you say you don't want anything from me, I'll back off. You should know by now that I don't want to lose you by trying to make this more, you're too fucking important to me, otherwise I would've told you all of this long ago. But I've never seen you overreact like this with anybody else who's been interested in you. So if you do want anything at all,” Tony stood up and spread his hands, “I'm at your disposal.”

 

They stood there, on the opposite sides of the workshop. There was desire in Loki's expression, but Tony could also read wariness, and that's what kept him glued to the spot. He didn't want Loki to bolt and when he'd said he wouldn't push, Tony had meant it.

 

“You'd trust me with that,” Loki said in a disbelieving tone.

 

“Yeah, I would.”

 

“You're insane.”

 

“Probably,” Tony shrugged. “But not because of this. I know you. I know I can trust you.”

 

Loki made a choked sound in his throat, before his expression blanked into an unreadable mask. “Strip, then.”

 

Right, of course Loki wouldn't just take his word for it. But Tony was all too happy to oblige, dragging his shirt over his head. Loki's eyes trailed over his chest and then he stared, hungry and intent as Tony unzipped his jeans and let them fall on the floor, followed by his boxer briefs. It was uncomfortably vulnerable, being fully naked and erect in front of somebody who was making no move to undress themselves, but Tony meant it – he trusted Loki, even angry as he was. So he stood his ground, hands on his sides, letting the other man look his fill.

 

“On your knees,” he said. Tony complied, clasped his hands behind his back as he sank down wordlessly, and Loki finally walked closer. Tony's breathing quickened as Loki reached towards him, but the fingers only came to skirt lightly across his cheek, trailing into his hair. “You really would...” Loki said, and Tony's chest felt tight.

 

“I trust you,” he said, and suddenly Loki was there, kneeling with him, his head buried in the crook of Tony's neck. He could feel Loki trembling against his body, and he moved to cradle him into his chest. He was so not equipped for this, but that didn't matter, Loki was leaning on him so he needed to be the strong one right now. His hands moved in soothing motions on Loki's back. Loki clutched him tight, and it should've probably felt more weird, being still naked and half hard while somebody sobbed into his shoulder, but it didn't, maybe because it was Loki.

 

“It's alright.”

 

He held the other man for a long while. At some point Loki quietened, and he shifted so that he was sitting next to Tony with his back against the wall. His head was resting on Tony's shoulder, his eyes closed. His hand sought Tony's, who took it and held tight.

 

“You can't tell anybody,” Loki said. His body was tense again. “Nobody here knows and I can't... I can't leave again. You have to promise me.”

 

“I promise,” Tony said without hesitation. Loki was quiet for long moments before speaking again.

 

“I'm transgender. I grew up a girl, I was born intersex but... they did surgery when I was a baby, so I didn't know why I always felt... My parents, they never told me. I think maybe if they hadn't been so one-sided, if I'd known, it would've been easier. As it is, I never recognised what I was feeling was dysphoria until I was seventeen. When I went to see a doctor she acted weird, so I broke into her office later and stole my medical file. That's how I found out.” Loki's voice shook with anger. “When I confronted my father... It wasn't pretty. He kicked me out, though I wouldn't have stayed anyway. Mother tried to reason with him, and to make me stay, but I couldn't. She'd known, as well, all that time I felt different as a kid, and she never told me.”

 

“I emptied my account and made myself hard to track. It would have been easier to transition in Sweden, we have the health service, but my... they would have found me and I couldn't... I came here, switching from city to city while I waited for the testosterone to kick in. I got chest surgery south of border, they don't give a fuck about who you are over there as long as you've got the money to pay. That wasn't a problem, I used to make a very good looking woman and there were many men happy to pay... and later I'd become good enough to steal what I needed.”

 

“This is the only place I've ever felt home.” Loki gestured with his free hand. His eyes met Tony's, full of pain and barely repressed anger. “I can't leave again. Nobody can know.”

 

“Hey,” Tony found his voice, and said steadily, “Nobody will hear it from me, I swear. I'd never do that to you.”

 

Loki's whole body slumped against the wall in relief, and Tony breathed in slowly. That was some shit to go through – and he'd thought his dad was a bastard. He leaned closer to Loki, who'd shut his eyes again, hiding behind his hair.

 

“Do you think...” Loki's voice trailed off. Tony waited, squeezed his hand. Loki swallowed, and then started again. “Do you still mean it? What you said about wanting something with me?”

 

“Yes, fuck, Loki, you think I'd change my mind just because you're trans?”

 

Loki shrugged. “You wouldn't be the first one.”

 

“That's just-- fuck,” Tony growled, angry on Loki's behalf. Fuck but he hated the world sometimes.

 

“I wouldn't blame you. You can never have a normal sex life with me. There are many things I won't do.”

 

“Fuck normal,” Tony said. He raised his hand to Loki's hair and cradled his chin to turn his head gently, until the green eyes were meeting his. “I want you.”

 

“I won't be naked with you. Ever.”

 

“I don't care. I mean it. You tell me what you want and I'll respect it. I want you. You're brilliant and gorgeous and I'm fucking lucky to have you.”

 

Loki leaned against the wall with his eyes closed, but his lips tilted upwards into a weary smile. “I suppose you're not so bad yourself.”

 

**

 

“Have some of Clint's bacon, he's done with it.”

 

“I'm not! Jesus, Nat, don't encourage them!”

 

“Thank you, darling,” Loki said as he took the plate from her and offered a piece to Tony, who happily ate it, licking Loki's fingers a bit more thoroughly than absolutely necessary.

 

“Ugh, that's disgusting.”

 

“Your face is disgusting,” Tony countered and Clint threw one of Tony's own fries at him. “Hey, uncool man!” Tony protested, but ate it anyway. The Black Widow – who Tony nowadays knew as Natasha – looked unimpressed by their antics, but then she usually did. Tony hoped Loki wouldn't introduce her and Pepper to each other any time soon.

 

“Fury! I don't think I've ever been this happy to see you,” Clint grinned over Tony's shoulder. Loki pulled his hand back, wiping his fingers on a napkin, and Tony licked salt off his lips shamelessly.

 

“Stark,” Fury glared, ignoring Clint completely. “I've warned you several times to keep these kind of displays off the college grounds. You have the fancy-ass apartment your father is paying for, I suggest you use it.”

 

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Keep my dad out of this, Fury.”

 

“Keep it to yourself and there's nothing I'll need to remember to forget about,” Fury said, then turned his glare towards Loki, “The same goes for you, _Mr. Lindberg_. Don't give me a reason to have my eye on you.” With that, Fury turned on his heels and stalked off, his long leather coat trailing behind him.

 

“Christ, what an asshole,” Tony grumbled. “C'mon, want to take this to-- hey, what's wrong?”

 

Loki had paled and was clutching at his bag, which he quickly released at Tony's question. “Nothing,” he said, not very convincingly.

 

Natasha seemed to agree, but to Tony's dismay she switched languages. “Varför sa han ditt namn sånt?”

 

“Låt det vara, Natalia,” Loki said.

 

“Okay, for the record, I'm not digging the whole excluding your boyfriends via obscure European languages thing.”

 

“Yeah, stop it, I hate it when I agree with Stark.”

 

“Sorry, honey,” Natasha said sarcastically and patted Clint on the head. “Senare,” she said to Loki, who nodded, looking away.

 

“Hey, wanna blow this joint?” Tony asked him, getting up when Loki agreed. “Go crazy,” he said, pushing his half-full tray at Clint, whose eyes lit up.

 

“I love you man, please get kicked out for public indecency more often. Ow, Nat, what did I do now?”

 

Tony walked out with Loki, leaving behind the bickering couple. He took Loki's hand once they were out of the cafeteria, and Loki gave him a quick smile. It didn't reach his eyes though. Instead of their workshop they headed for the front doors.

 

“So, I'm thinking,” Tony said outside. “You've never been to my place. Bedroom, living room with an excellent couch, kitchen I only use for coffee, and several bottles of booze. If you'd like to come over, I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”

 

Loki snorted. “You are never a gentleman. Don't think I didn't notice you checking out my ass even back when you were still trying to be subtle.”

 

“You know you love it,” Tony said. “So that's a yes?”

 

“That's a yes.”

 

“Brilliant!” Tony grinned. “Now let's see if I can get Jarvis to call us a cab.”

 

**

 

They hadn't really done much in the past week since Tony's unintended confession of attraction. Tony had never taken things this slow, but he'd never felt like this about anybody else either. He found himself liking it. He enjoyed kissing Loki in their workshop and in the corridors, slow and heated without immediate intent behind it. He liked holding hands and the casual physical ease, touches on shoulders, arms around each other's waists. He loved the times when Loki distracted him from his work and made his heart beat indecently fast by looking into his eyes and running his insane clever fingers on Tony's face and throat before smiling and walking back to his desk, leaving Tony flustered and achingly hard.

 

Now, though, now he had Loki in his apartment, and that was a whole another level of _good_. Loki fit in his space like he belonged there, sprawled across Tony's designer couch, halfway through the bottle of Jack Daniels. Tony had settled for gin, matching Loki drink for drink, and he was feeling lazy and content. Loki seemed to be in a similar place, smiling more easily at Tony's increasingly filthy (and lousy) jokes. His eyes had been trailing over Tony's body unashamedly many times, but it was still a bit of a surprise when he spoke.

 

“At the moment there is nothing I would like more than have you come in my mouth.”

 

“Uh,” Tony said intelligently, waved an uncoordinated hand, staring at Loki who was still lounging on the couch, way too far from Tony in his opinion. “Mixed signal's much? You probably need to come over here for that, but I'm so totally not stopping you.”

 

Loki got on his feet, laughing as he wavered like a new born colt, but managing to set the whisky on the coffee table without spilling any on the carpet. His eyes fixed on Tony and he made his way to him, dropped on his knees and licked his lips. He looked absolutely indecent, and Tony got his jeans open with record speed. Loki's gaze was glued to Tony's crotch, tongue wetting his lips as Tony pulled his cock out, and then Loki's hands were braced on his thighs and he was engulfed into wet heat and _Jesus Christ_ he was gonna die like this.

 

Tony entangled his fingers into Loki's hair. There wasn't any need for guidance, Loki's mouth was heavenly around him, tongue working on his shaft and pressing against the glans as he sucked. Tony's hips twitched and Loki's answering moan made him thrust into the heat, groaning as Loki relaxed his throat and took him deeper. And then there were fingers cradling his balls, moving back to press gently on his asshole.

 

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck Loki, I'm gonna come,” Tony babbled, feeling his balls draw up, and then he was spilling on Loki's tongue, pleasure coursing through him, making him slump bonelessly in the armchair. Loki swallowed around his softening cock, his fingers brushing over Tony's hole once more, before he leaned back and promptly collapsed onto the carpet.

 

“Did you know I used to be called Silvertongue?” Loki slurred from where he was lying on his back with his eyes closed. “I must say, I truly love doing that.”

 

“I'm really not complaining.”

 

**

 

Tony could swear that he'd never turned on the alarm that woke them up the next morning. “Damn you Pepper and your spare key,” Tony cursed as he forced himself to get up and ineffectively hunt for the clock responsible for the shrill sound.

 

“I hate you so very much,” Loki said as he dragged Tony's pillow over his head.

 

“Thanks, honey,” Tony said, finally locating the offending object and clicking it off. He threw it into the living room for good measure before dropping back onto the bed, half on top of Loki who kicked him ineffectually through the duvet. He was clearly not a morning person, at least not after a night spent with Tony and a bottle of whisky.

 

They'd eventually made it to Tony's bed with him holding up Loki who'd been waxing poetic about Tony's cock and then laughing at the resulting blush. Tony wasn't easily embarrassed but Loki was a clearly some kind of devil – completely evil but way too sexy to get rid of, especially when he distracted Tony by stripping off his shirt and pants before climbing into Tony's bed in his underwear. And even with his blanket hogging habits, Tony was feeling way too pleased to mind all that much.

 

Tony was just about to drift back to sleep when the door buzzer went off.

 

“Ow, stop kicking me,” he complained, getting up from the bed.

 

“Make better friends,” Loki retorted, burrowing into the bedding while Tony dragged on his jeans and went to the intercom, still half asleep.

 

“You've reached life model decoy of Tony Stark.” There was no answer from the other end, so he figured whoever it had been had either left or been let into the building by somebody else. His hopes for the former were squashed when there was a knock on the door.

 

“Could've used your damn key again-- hey, you're not Pepper,” Tony said intelligently, looking up at the massive blond man standing before him. “May I help you?” he stalled while he wondered where his phone was and if Jarvis would know how to call security. Probably not, since the cab had never showed up yesterday.

 

“I am Thor Odinson and I am here to see my sister.”

 

“Right, see, there's been a misunderstanding here. Understandable really, you're not the first guy to accuse me of sleeping with his sister and usually you'd most likely be right, but I have no girl in my bed right now because my boyfriend is in it and we aren't really at the point in our relationship yet where we would've had time to talk about the possibility of threesomes, so buh-bye.” Tony tried to close the door, but the blond guy leaned one muscled arm against it and it didn't budge. Tony scowled at him. “Okay, you've really got that wrestler build down pat, way to make a guy feel small, but you're gonna go now.”

 

“Let me in, Anthony Stark,” the guy said, shoving a tabloid at Tony.

 

“Really? You don't strike me as somebody who follows the news. Oh, the Sun, well that explains it-- _shit_.” He glanced back at Thor, and now he got why he'd looked familiar – Tony had seen his face looking out of Loki's drawings. He looked back at the photo of himself and Loki kissing, title proclaiming about Stark heir being gay. “Can't believe everything you read in papers, there's no reason to think Loki's here – but maybe there's something pretty obvious the trashy journalist is actually getting right that you've missed? Not that this is the time or the place for that conversation, and I'm probably not the right person for it either.”

 

Thor scowled and pushed past him. “Ow, hey, you can't just fucking barge in my apartment,” Tony protested, but trying to stop the man was useless. Tony was like a tiny human going against some mythical god, he needed to build some kind on fucking armour for these kind of situations. He made a mental note to get right on that and racked his brain trying to come up with a way to alert Loki about his brother. That, however, turned out to be unnecessary – clearly Loki had heard Thor, no wonder with the volume Big n' Blond spoke in, and he was waiting in the living room fully dressed. He stood defensively, his green eyes blazing as he looked at Thor, who seemed oblivious to Loki's body language, walking right up to him and clasping a massive hand on Loki's neck.

 

“Syster, varför flyttade du ut? Och vad är allt det här?”

 

Loki shook Thor's hand off with an enviable ease that had to come from practice. “I'm not your sister, Thor, I never was,” he growled.

 

“Jag förstår inte vad du menar med det, Loki.”

 

“Stick to English, it's just polite since it is my apartment you broke into,” Tony said, crossing his arms. “I can get security to throw him out if you want?”

 

Loki shook his head. “I'd rather we finish this here, and then he can run back to his father. Did he send you?”

 

Thor scowled. “He didn't, I came on my own, but he's your father too!”

 

“Not anymore.” Loki's face was an unreadable mask, but the anger was audible in his voice. “Come now, Odin must have told you he disowned me.”

 

“Father told me that you had words and that you left. I waited for you to come back home, mother waited. Do you not care about her feelings?”

 

“Oh, this is perfect.” Loki smiled in a way that made Tony feel cold. “They didn't tell you, did they? Oh no, they wouldn't. Such a perfect lie after all, it would be a shame to break the illusion. What if people found out that their _daughter_ is a freak? That she's not really a daughter, and never was.”

 

“I do not understand what you're saying, sister.”

 

“I'm saying that I'm not your sister din jävla idiot!”

 

“Okay, that one I pretty much understood,” Tony muttered. Loki shot him a look, and Tony shrugged. “Look, I don't think he's getting it, you may need to spell it out.”

 

“Please, Loki,” Thor said. He looked like a kicked puppy, and some of the anger left Loki's expression.

 

“I wasn't born a girl, Thor. I wasn't born either. They chose for me, and they didn't tell me. They wanted me to be _normal_ ,” Loki spat the word. “They chose wrong. This is who I really am, your sister doesn't exist. You should go back to your family.”

 

Thor's expression clouded. “That is not your decision to make.”

 

“And who should I let decide who I am?” Loki hissed.

 

“Not that, din jävla idiot!” Thor grabbed Loki's arms and shook him. ”I don't care if you're a man or a woman or anything else. I don't care what Odin says and I don't care what you say, you're my family and you always will be.” Loki tried to pull back, but Thor wrapped him in his arms. “If you say you're not my sister, then you are my brother.”

 

Loki's expression crumbled, and Tony had to look away. He felt like an intruder to a private moment, which was ridiculous since it was his goddamn apartment, but he decided to resolve the situation by going to make some coffee. And he could really use a shirt too, come to think of it.

 

Once the coffee was done and Tony entered the living room with his cup, the two men had thankfully stopped embracing and were instead sitting on the couch. The silence was tense, but they weren't fighting so Tony would take it. He was excellent at handling tense silences. He cleared his throat and gestured towards the kitchen. “Help yourselves to coffee, mi casa es su casa and all that, apparently,” he said, making his way to the armchair.

 

“Thank you, Anthony,” Thor said, getting up from the couch.

 

“Stop with that, it's Tony, my dad calls me Anthony.”

 

“Tony,” Thor nodded. Loki got up too, but instead of following his brother to the kitchen he perched on Tony's armrest and took the cup off his hands.

 

“Okay, apartment and booze and all that is fine but I need my caffeine,” Tony grumbled. Loki smiled, sipping Tony's coffee, but then gave the cup back without too much of a fight. “Oh, that reminds me,” Tony said when Thor sat back down and made space for his coffee cup amongst the remains of the previous night's drinking. Tony handed his cup to Loki, who happily took over the armchair as Tony searched for his phone. “I need to turn this off before my dad calls me, one uncomfortable family confrontation is enough for one day. Somebody's getting fired in the PR department, poor sods. Oh yeah, we made the papers,” he added to Loki's bemused expression.

 

“It's a wonder you recognised me,” Loki said to Thor as he skimmed the article. Tony's face was covering most of Loki's in the picture, plus Loki had probably looked pretty different last Thor saw him, but the blond just shrugged.

 

“I would always recognise you, Loki.”

 

Tony groaned. “Tell me it's just the time apart, he's not always this sappy?”

 

“Unfortunately he is,” Loki smirked, but his eyes betrayed genuine happiness.

 

Thor smiled widely. “I have missed you, brother!”

 

Tony groaned again. “Please make him stop.”

 

“Oh, if only I could,” Loki said dryly.

 

Thor merely laughed, loud and bright.

 

**

 

Loud and bright seemed to be Thor's overall demeanour now that he'd resolved his issues with his brother. Loki's attitude was long-suffering as Thor accompanied them to the university, after having promised to introduce himself as Lindberg rather than Odinson and use male pronouns when speaking of Loki. Thor was like an overly enthusiastic puppy, smiling and making small talk with the curious students they came across. He and Clint hit it off immediately, possibly because Thor bought food for a small army, proclaiming it a feast and happily sharing with the whole table. Natasha of course was her distrustful self, but she hid it behind polite sweetness that was extremely weird but completely convinced Thor, who happily shared childhood stories about his brother at her prompting. Loki glared at him murderously with every secret spilled but didn't seem to really mind, likely because Thor referred to Loki as his brother without fault. Tony was relieved, and a few times he caught a secret smile on Loki's face, which made him feel all warm and sappy. Apparently it was contagious.

 

Tony didn't even mind when it turned out his hospitable attitude was going to be taken very literally. Thor insisted that he stay with his brother now that he'd found him again and Natasha, with whom Loki had apparently been staying since the beginning of the term, told them she unfortunately couldn't host them both, which resulted in Thor moving onto Tony's couch and Loki moving into Tony's bed. Tony figured that somehow he'd survive the hardship.

 

Not that it stopped him from complaining when Loki hogged the blankets again the following night, but Loki distracted him very effectively by working his insane clever fingers into Tony's ass and milking his prostate until he was begging to come. If Tony had any worries about embarrassment on either Thor or Loki's part due to the sex noises, they were dismissed later when they reminisced over Sif, who they'd apparently both dated at the same time. In their words it had been practical because they'd been sharing a room and Loki could hardly have openly dated a girl at the time. Tony couldn't decide whether to be disturbed or turned on, which Loki took great pleasure in.

 

Loki never wanted to be naked in a sexual situation so he always wore underwear to bed, but he gradually became comfortable with changing even when Tony was in the room. At first their sex was very focused on Tony, mostly because Loki seemed to love getting Tony off as much as Tony loved getting off. They did however get around to talking more one night, about kinks – which they both had plenty of – and boundaries – which there were some, on both sides. They shared a mutual love for rough sex and pain, but Tony didn't feel comfortable with outright domination. Outright submission, however, now that he could do. Loki was more than happy to make Tony get on his knees and worship him, to make him lie on the bed and fuck himself with a dildo until he came all over his stomach and Loki trailed his fingers through the mess and made Tony lick them clean.

 

Tony also gained a thorough appreciation for Loki's old nickname. Loki loved using his mouth on Tony, kissing him breathless, biting and sucking marks on Tony's neck and chest and thighs. He loved blowing and rimming him, licking and sucking Tony's asshole until he was humping the bed in desperation. Sometimes Loki touched himself while doing it, and the sound of Loki moaning in pleasure always set Tony off like fireworks.

 

When Tony finally answered his dad's voicemails, he didn't go into too much detail about his new living arrangements, which backfired and resulted in another uninvited family conflict in Tony's living room. However, Tony had the advantage of being an only child, which meant that Howard couldn't disown him for being gay. Tony happily pointed out that he was actually bisexual, something that didn't endear him to his father any more than Thor's overprotective attitude when Howard insulted Loki. He also didn't appreciate finding out that Tony was sharing his apartment two men instead of one, which resulted in Loki smirking and pulling Tony onto the couch so that he was sandwiched between the two brothers. Tony was pretty sure Loki enjoyed taking out some of his frustrations towards Odin by proxy, but he appreciated the resulting fit that Howard threw because it ended with him storming out.

 

Two weeks in Tony realised that new roommates called for a housewarming party and invited over his favourite people, who invited over their favourite people, which resulted in an apartment filled by a weird crowd. Tony was happily drunk so when Pepper showed up with Agent, Tony just offered him a drink and warned him that if Tony wasn't allowed public indecency at the university, they wouldn't be allowed public indecency in his apartment. Coulson smiled blandly and responded that he would happily settle for private indecency, which made Pepper inhale her drink and use her killer stilettos on Tony when he couldn't stop laughing.

 

Clint brought his friend Darcy who brought her friend Jane who ended up making out with Thor, at which point Tony suggested they take it to her place if she felt weird about the fact that the guy's brother lived in the same place. She peered over to Loki, who was doing tequila shots off Bucky, and then shrugged and continued her business with Thor, which Tony took as a sign that she didn't care. He wasn't quite sure whether to be disturbed or turned on, but figured he had no stones to throw in any case.

 

He joined Loki in doing shots, which was the closest he'd ever gotten to Bucky's naked chest. Unfortunately Bucky and Rogers were joined at the hip – the blond wasn't a big fan of Tony's so it couldn't go into the foursome direction even if Loki had agreed, which he might have judging by the enthusiasm with which he licked salt off Bucky's skin. Tony promptly forgot his disappointment though. When Rogers inevitably gave them the evil eye, Tony went to do pity small talk with an older guy Jane had brought, who turned out to be Dr. Bruce Banner. After Tony had fanboyed and flailed a bit in a totally non-embarrassing way they ended up talking _science_ , and as a result Tony didn't even notice when people started leaving. Nor did he notice Thor and Jane going at it on the couch or the sunshine that had started to happen at some point, only realising it was morning when Loki brought him a cup of coffee that tasted like heaven.

 

“There's also tea, Dr. Banner,” he said. Bruce thanked him politely and went to get some, at which point Tony turned to Loki.

 

“He's my new science boyfriend, I want to keep him, you don't mind, do you baby sweetie cookie honey?”

 

“Not except for the nicknames you'll never again use for me if you wish to live,” Loki smirked. “It was nice to sleep next to Natasha again, she doesn't hog the blankets.”

 

“Awesome! Bruce, Loki says I get to keep you! You can be my science boyfriend!”

 

“Thanks... I think.”

 

“I do expect rewards,” Loki purred into his ear, which finally got Tony to switch gears.

 

“Gotta go, sex to have, see you later Brucie,” he said, waving at the scientist who raised an eyebrow and sipped his tea calmly.

 

“Wait a sec,” Tony said, the caffeine finally kicking in as he followed Loki to their bedroom. “You're the one who hogs the blankets, I resent the implication.”

 

Loki laughed and then shut Tony up with his clever mouth. Tony could live with that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The story is written from Tony's perspective. Loki is transgender and identifies as male. He was born intersex, but was operated on as a child and raised as female, not told about the surgery, but he found out as a teenager. At this point Loki has transitioned. He has some gender dysphoria still, which isn't gone into but is implied in the fact that he doesn't want anybody else touching him below the belt, so there's none of that. A brief (non-explicit) mention of past prostitution, brief misgendering due to ignorance rather than malicious intent. Brief scene with Howard's A+ parenting hence the tag about homophobia; and mentions of Odin's A+ parenting hence the tag about transphobia. Otherwise it's all good things. For me this was not triggery, and I generally can't read trans themed fic, but you know your limits better than I so. Overall lots of happiness though, I promise.
> 
> So yeah, many feels, go gently. <3
> 
> My Swedish is rusty so please feel free to point out any mistakes. Also, I know nothing about artificial intelligence, sorry. :D


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